‘Twas the night before New Year’s, when all through the house
Not a creature was sober, not even a mouse;
The streamers were hung from the ceiling with care,
In preparation for guests who soon would be there;
The champagne was nestled all snug on its ice;
While countdowns and make-outs began to seem nice;
And bae in her bow tie, and I in my vest,
Had just begun pregaming the long winter’s fest,
When out on the street there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter.
Away to the side door I drunkenly tripped,
Stepped out in the snow and tried not to slip.
The moon on the trash heaps and gutters of slush
Made me pause, the wind whipping, my face growing flush,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a huge group of queermos all carrying beer,
With a swaggering leader, her style all the rage,
I knew in a moment she must be Ellen Page.
Flyer than eagles her wingwomen they came,
And she whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
“Hey, Kristen! now, Portia! now Ellen and Vixen!
On, Laverne! on, Riese! on, Samira and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! to the end of the hall!
Now drink away! sing away! dance away all!”
So up to the porch the roller girls they flew
With bags full of whiskey, and rainbow cake too—
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Into the house Ellen Page came with a bound.
In her best Tomboy snapback, her cheeks all aglow,
her clothes were all dusted with glitter and snow;
She flipped up the collar of her frayed denim vest,
And her Canadian flannel out-gayed all the rest.
Her eyes—how they smoldered! her smirk was so dreamy!
The holes in her jeans made us all a bit steamy!
Her eyeliner game was as always mad strong,
And her skinny tie proved that she could do no wrong;
With effortless cool, she opened a beer with her teeth
when I noticed the mistletoe she was dancing beneath;
I sidled up towards her, with no ounce of stealth,
And I blushed when she smiled, in spite of myself;
A wink of her eye and a touch of her hand
were all that it took; I could barely stand;
She spoke not a word, but started dancing with me,
Robyn playing in the background, as gay as could be.
And laying her hand on the side of my face,
she kissed me, then turned with queerest of grace;
She slipped on her blazer, gave her posse a call,
And away they all ran to Times Square and the ball.
And I heard her exclaim, as she danced out of sight—
“Happy New Year to all, and to all a gay night!”